Personal Space Invaders ... Get BACK!

I have a problem with personal space or rather the increase in the number of folk who want to invade mine. Must you really be that close to someone when you're speaking with them? Must you sit that close to me with ALL of these other seats available? I'm just wondering what is with you personal space invaders?! Why is it that you feel the pull to be so close? Do you feel like I can't hear you from just another 6 inches away? Do you feel like I will care more about what you're saying if you're right in my face? Really what is it? Well I don't know and honestly don't care because it creeps me out & annoys ever fiber of my bones. I don't like people being too close to me, looking over my shoulder and such ... Nosy bastards! Seriously, back off!

But I'm sure you probably don't even know why you should back off so I'm start a list of why you should NOT be that close to me:

1. You might smell of rotten trash that's been sitting for a month in a closed space. Ugh! This smell may be emanating from your mouth, your arm pits, your butt, your body pores, or any combinations of these things. You may not smell it because you have become accustomed to your own stench, but trust me when I say that other people smell your stinky tail!
2. I might smell like a wet dog who's been rolling in your stinky rotten trash while little red ridin' hood is visiting me. Maybe I just finished working out and haven't had a chance to shower because the world would end if I missed my show. Who the heck knows? But trust I don't want you to be all up in my stench like that so back up. I'd hate for you to lose your life because of a bad intake of my polluted air funk.
3. People don't like nosy people - it could get you shanked. What if I am an undercover agent looking at some of my super secret spy stuff and I notice you just got a looksie because YOU decided to stand right up on me like that? Well, you could die because of course I may have reason to think you're a spy from the other side or that you may be a traitor or that you would just tell someone and it could cost ME my life. It doesn't really matter the reason; what matters is that it is preventable. So let's prevent senseless violence because in all honesty you're probably just a nosy behind prick that doesn't understand personal space and it's importance to a person's very being.
4. I could die because my claustrophobia may act up which could trigger me to hyperventilate and you probably don't know CPR or any other life saving tactics, which leads to my untimely death. And please don't let your heftiness contribute; it could suffocate me and you wouldn't know to move because uuummm you may think that's a normal reaction since you've been "noticing a lot of people doing that as of late". It could be the newest trend right? NO! Move! You big over-sized elephant.
5. Let me NOT just talk about the big personal space invaders cause you little people are just as bad. Move your skin & bones away from me. I don't want to feel your rib poking at my side. It disgusts me quite frankly - you need to go grab some neck bones & collard greens. Plus, you know people have self-image problems and your simple existence disturbs them so don't be that close to me - I could be one of them. Having folk go home to throw up the little food they ate or heck going home and not eating so they can be that small. It's a doggone shame. Move your skinny tail to that small corner that I couldn't fit in please and thank you.
6. And then there's this cultural thing that people like to mention. Some cultures value a closeness that I cannot understand. Well, I say I will respect your culture, but can you make an effort to respect my preference as well? Is it really fair that I just abandon my preference and be uncomfortable just because YOU prefer to be close to me? No I think not. We can make a compromise. If you speak to me I won't mind you standing a little closer than most, but by all means don't stand so close that you have to breathe on me - I hate when people do that!

That is all for now, but I'm sure this is not the end ... feel free to comment and add your own reason for why personal space invaders should GET BACK!

Disclaimer: This is based upon there being plenty of room. If the bus is crowded, no one is allowed comfort because we are all trying to get to our destination. So if your personal space issues flow unto a crowded bus, please get over yourself OR don't get on this bus. It has to be that way because life includes some compromises.